You know what it feels like to be disappointed by people, so whether you realized it or not, you vowed to never allow another person to feel what you've felt. But inevitably, you're running yourself so thin that you end up disappointing people.
Your deadlines aren't realistic
You over promise
You under deliver
You don't show up on time, sometimes not all.
You're juggling more than God ever wanted you to, all in the name of "being there" for everyone. You see yourself slowly sacrificing your time, energy, and advice on the altar of people pleasing, but you just don't know how to make it stop.
You're going to lose yourself trying to make everyone happy all the time.
Then the inevitable happens, a break down. I'm talking about ugly cry, time in the hospital, your immune system screaming at you. That sore throat didn't just pop out of no where because of allergies dear, it came because your body is exhausted.
When Jesus boasts in Matthew 5:37, "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no," he was speaking in the context of us making promises, oaths, and swearing to things we know we can't keep. If something is yes, let it be yes. If you can, you can. If you can't you can't. The problem is, we don't want the person to feel rejected by our no, so we say yes in order to make them happy. We play the empathy card and replay the time in our lives where we really needed someone, only to be let down by their absence. So subconsciously, we vow to never make another person feel this way.
Beloved, our real battle is about control. Is never about the other person, it's about us thinking we have the power to control how others feel. We don't. You have no power but over yourself.
I was $100 over my budget recently, because I spent the money on outings my friends beckoned me to attend. I came crawling to Abba (Daddy God) asking for money after the events, as any daughter does to her dad, and he politely told me to examine why I spent that money. Truth was, I didn't want my friends to feel as if I wasn't there for them. He replied, "Really?"
I knew then there was more.
I spent that money because I didn't want to be disappointed by what I perceived being a good friend is/was. Being a good friend meant showing up to events, because that's the definition I had in my mind of how I secretly wanted to be treated. It was never about them. It was about me.
So what' s the worst thing that can happen when the truth really is, "I don't have the money/time/energy right now?" Nothing. Because that's your truth. That's you having healthy boundaries. Thats you reframing the conversation.
Reframing. I talk about this in my new book Silencing Shame: Stopping The Voices In Your Head That Scream You're Not Enough. Reframing gives us power to be true to ourselves and still be sensitive to the other parties needs. Reframing is how you practice self care. Reframing is how you please God while caring about yourself.
Reframing is: Can we plan something smaller later?
Reframing is: I don't think I can make that deadline right now, can you give me an extension? What's the latest I can get back with you?
Reframing is: I'm sorry, I just can't do that right now. Please give me a follow up on how it went.
Reframing is: I appreciate you calling on me for advice. Right now I need to focus on what's in front of me, so I'll be praying with you. In a week, lets chat about it.
You're going to lose yourself trying to make everyone happy all the time. You're going to disappoint someone, don't let it be you. #AMJSpeaks 💕